So this week we were in front of the camera lens of Miss Staci with Laurelu of Heart Photography. Last year after Madilyn was diagnosed with TSC, Staci contacted me asking if she could do our pictures for us as a gift. It was absolutely wonderful timing! I had been watching her post beautiful pictures for several months and had planned on making an appointment with her at some point. Well she beat me to the punch and offered our family a session. I was so thankful and excited! At that time we had no clue what the next few days, months or years would look like for Maddie, so the photos were very important to me. We were prepared for the disease to take many things away from her quality of life. So I really wanted to capture her in this time of her life, because we didn't know what things would look like later. We met at my parents farm and she started her thing, snapping, and telling us just to love each other and play. She didn't want any shots that looked posed. This was the first time ever that Chris didn't complain about pictures! She was patient and her love for the "job" radiated off of her. You could tell she was a happy soul!
We left that night and I was so excited and relieved that we were able to catch that evening in photos. The photos were still images, but I could relive the memories of that night for as long as I wanted too, because we had evidence of that happy night.
Later that night we were given a sneak peek of some of the photos. And the tears flowed. I was overwhelmed with what my eyes were seeing in these photos. I didn't see TSC, I didn't see fear, and I didn't see sadness. What I did see was a family that loved. I saw a happy baby. I saw a mom and dad that looked fearless. I saw that this was only the beginning and not the end. Who knew how therapeutic these photos could be?!
We knew then that Staci would forever be our family photographer. We hadn't only fallen in love with her work, but we also made a friend in her. She had given us something that truly was priceless.
So a year had passed and it was time to start thinking of more photos. It was time to update photos of our growing girl. This years emotions and struggles are far different than last years. Our family has been fighting TSC for a year and our little warrior has been defeating it on a daily basis. We have had many victories as a family and have been truly blessed this past year.
But like I said there are still emotions tied to these new photos as well. About 3 weeks ago we got news from Maddie's geneticist that they were not able to find a mutation on TS1 or TS2 gene. This doesn't change the fact that she has been clinically diagnosed with TSC. We do know she has it but there is a certain percentage of people that are unable to pinpoint what gene was affected. They are now looking for a deletion or duplication within the sequencing. There is only a %7 chance that they will find anything this way. We were not prepared to hear this. I had hoped that we would get her tests back and then we could be tested . In my head I had planned that they would say it was spontaneous mutation and we could go on with life and add to our family. My heart was broken when I heard that this may not be the way it works out. I have wanted so badly to have more children and to add to our family. The news brought me to my knees. My heart really did hurt. I don't know how to explain it, but it felt as if my heart was really breaking.
A couple of days after the news we talked with Staci and were able to set up a session with her for new pictures. It was nice to have something to look forward to when everything in my world felt down. It seemed like a good time to document another step in our lives.
So like last time, we met up and she snapped away. We visited throughout the session and soaked up the beautiful surroundings and sunset.
And again the photos have left me breathless. All emotions coming out.
My revelation in these photos were that our family is perfect the way it is. Whether it's the 3 of us or more. Gods plan is perfect. It may not seem perfect right now, but he has shown us time and time again that His has us under His protection. I look at these pictures and see that my heart is complete. I have the love of my life and my little girl, who is a precious gift from God. I don't need anything else to make my life better or more joyful. I have everything I need right here. Right here in this mess of a trial I am happy. God has allowed me this wonderful family. And I will choose to be happy and thankful for what He has given me. We will wait and see what God has in store for us, but for now I plan on loving the amazing gifts that God has so graciously given me.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give it to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
A big thanks to Staci for capturing such meaningful moments in our lives. To check out her amazing work click here.
